Do you lie? Do you lie a lot? On the other hand, maybe you are like the people who rarely lie, doing so mostly to simply not make waves; like telling someone that his or her clothing is great, when it really looks horrible. Psychologists have many reasons for why people lie, so many in fact; it can boggle a nonprofessional’s mind. I’m sure when experts crystallize the reasons for lying there are truly many reasons and official names for particular lying behavior. In my nonprofessional’s eyes, I see the average persons lying as much simpler.
As an example, politicians lie because they want to be elected. There may be a medical name or condition for it but I just call it trying to be elected. A man who wants to bed a woman may tell a lie or two as well. I call this a man wanting to have sex with someone who physically attracts him and again, there may be a name for this syndrome, but I call it a man wanting something and saying whatever it takes to get it.
Similarly, a businessperson, be it a car salesperson or a manufacturer may lie to get you to buy their product. How about Wall Street big shots: why do they lie? They lie because they want more of what others can give them. What do all these folks have in common? They are all people telling lies because they want something and will trick you to get it. Sounds benign and not that bad doesn’t it. Yes it does, however, it is not that simple. Are there consequences to these lies? Of course there are. As an example, a politician lying can and does cause major repercussions. When we elect them and find they are not who they seemed to be and they are not doing what they said they would, we are in trouble. We all know what that is like in present day America !
How about the man who lies to have sex with a woman; what’s really wrong with that, it’s done all the time and it’s innocent enough . . . isn’t it? It is not innocent at all. Did he lie about his health possibly? If so, the woman could become infected with a venereal disease, which could last the rest of her life. What if he attested to his love or at least his “like” for her but after the act, he treats her like dirt, which can be a major consequence for the female. How about the car sales representative or the manufacturer who lies to the consumer? Well, it can cause us to buy inferior products, lose our hard-earned money needlessly, and be suspicious of other merchants.
We have another class of liar. The men and women who “white” lie daily. They lie to their girlfriend, boyfriend, friends, co-workers, husbands, wives and they do it on a regular basis. They lie about what they have done in their past, what they may be doing in the present, how accomplished they may be or their inner feelings about important topics. These liars tell people what they think others will want to hear. They do it to be liked, or to get what they want in an interpersonal relationship. Does this kind of lying have consequences? Yes, it does, and just as bad as the others mentioned. The consequence with this kind of lying is that after a few lies, people simply cannot trust the liar. If this happens to be a co-worker, girl friend, husband, or wife it can take its toll. Not being able to trust people in your close circle is terrible and makes for an uncomfortable or unbearable relationship. Not knowing someone you thought you knew is uncomfortable to say the least and not knowing when the next lie is coming can end friendships, relationships and cause friction at work.
Lying always has negative consequences and in my view, all stems from insecurity. The merchant does not have enough faith in his or her product or ability to sell it. The man in the bar does not have enough faith in himself to tell the truth to be able to find someone to have sexual relations with. The politician does not have faith in himself to get elected by what he has to offer. The Wall Street big shot cannot sustain his greed without making “stuff” up. The co-worker, girlfriend, or neighbor that tells tall tales regularly does not feel “good enough” about himself or herself to tell the truth.
I grew up in an environment surrounded by liars, in fact, world-class liars, some of whom ended up spending much time in prison. Having been around these “professional liars” as a young man, I made a conscious decision to tell the truth about my life and myself. I figured I was as good as anyone else and I would say what was accurate regarding my life and me. I did not really do it for moral reasons or a religious type reason. I did it because it was the right thing to do-the right thing to do for myself and for others. I have rarely regretted it even during the times I have been let down by being lied to myself. I was able to do well without bamboozling people and I am proud of myself for being a “man”. Can you imagine how much better off this country would be if our politicians would not lie to us on a regular basis? Can you imagine how much better all our human contacts would be?
It is not hard to tell the truth. In fact, it couldn’t be easier. Be yourself, be what you are, and tell it like it really is. Tell the truth, or put differently, be accurate in your human communications. If someone does not like you or does not want what you may have to offer, say goodbye and go elsewhere. In addition, if you do not succeed when telling the truth you will at least know the real reason for your failure. Then, you can honestly re-tool yourself if appropriate. Living in the truth is so much easier, if you are struggling with it . . . take the plunge, you’ll love it.
Steve's a three-time survivor of violence in his youth, a former police supervisor and a graduate of The Police Executive Leadership College (PELC) and was also an award winning part-time college Criminal Justice instructor.
For several years, Steve did written and radio political and current event commentary and was the former host of the long running 'The Kovacs Perspective' Internet radio and TV talk show.
Steve presently owns a small businesses in Ohio--The Mayfield Academy of Self-Defense.
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