26 year old Victoria wanted to unwind. She hadn’t had a decent date since her divorce a year ago so she and Gayle, her old-friend, decided to go to a party they heard about on Facebook. When they arrived at a crowded house party in a so-so neighborhood, they didn’t recognize anyone. The booze was flowing, laughs were loud and some couples were already sucking face. Right there they made a pact to watch each other’s back and never leave one another alone.
However, Gayle who was closing in on 30, soon hooked up with a much younger guy. Gayle left Victoria alone a few times during the night for short spurts and eventually didn’t come back around at all. Victoria figured that they were probably getting intimate somewhere. Meanwhile, Victoria was in the midst of a group of about 10 men and women when suddenly she felt completely out of whack. She remembered talking to a few guys and kissing someone but that was all she could remember. The next thing she recalled was waking up in a bed in a 2nd story bedroom with all her clothes off.
Victoria was date raped that night and had no clue by whom. She asked a lot of questions from the party’s host and he in turn asked other guests but no one knew anything or simply wouldn’t say anything. It turns out that Gayle, the trusty watch your back girlfriend had left the party that evening with the guy she met and when they came back, couldn’t find Victoria.
The police were notified but nothing went anywhere and that was seemingly the end of the incident. But not so fast. Two months later Victoria found out that she was pregnant. She hadn’t been intimate with anyone for over a year so the pregnancy had to have stemmed from the party.
Victoria decided to have the baby and is a fantastic mom to the now seven year-old boy. Throughout the years, she’s asked around and tried to get information on who the father could be, but nothing. She’s completely clueless.
Interesting Way to Know Who Will Be a Victim
When I was teaching criminal justice we used updated textbooks every year or two. One year, content from one of the books caught my attention more so than usual. It talked about one of the best ways to determine if a juvenile was apt to become a victim of crime was to look at who his or her friends were. If their friends were delinquent types, like those who participated in criminal activity: vandalism, bullying and the like, that child was more likely to become a victim of crime. The premise was that if someone hangs out in a world, even on the peripheral of a world of criminality and one lacking in empathy towards others or their property, he or she is simply more apt to become a victim of that world. If moms and dads want to keep their kids free from being victims, take heed.
Well, the same holds true for us grownups. Who we hang out with, the world we associate in, determines to a great deal if we will become victims of violence. Let me explain just a bit further.
If we like to mingle with a wilder crowd, one that drinks to excess, stays out late, and lives at the edge of civilized decorum, violence is right around the corner. When I was a cop I can count on one hand how many violent situations I was at where people smoked marijuana before the violence kicked in. Very rare. But with alcohol in the mix, it was off the charts high.
In my book, ‘Protect Your Kids! The Simple Keys to Children’s Safety and Survival’ I write that single moms should stay away from potential boyfriends who drink to access if there is a chance that those boyfriends will be spending time at their homes—homes that have children in them. Actually, I think this is one of the most important actions single moms can do to keep their children away from physical abuse and also sexual abuse. But not only for children, also for adult women as well.
Getting to the point
Stay away from people who regularly drink to excess, exhibit wild behavior and stay away from places where that behavior is standard. Some of you may think well, that kind of place is just about everywhere or that kind of wild behavior can be fun. The fact is that that kind of place is not everywhere and yes, wild type behavior can be exhilarating and ‘fun’ but one must know the limits of what is too much. Lack of empathy for anyone, physicality (fighting) as a solution for disagreements, rude behavior and if civilized behavior seems to has left the building, so should you.
The fact is if you hang out with boozers and wild people you have a much greater chance of getting in trouble. Many college girls partying and trying to fit in get drug raped and no one ever hears about it because they keep it quiet. But it happens more than one might think.
Simple: Be careful with who you hang out with and where you socialize at. If you have any concerns and see behavior that is concerning, such as at a bar or party you’ve walked into, leave. Find more wholesome people to let loose with and find calm venues to socialize and mingle at. And ultimately we must rely on our ourselves more so than our friends to take care of ourselves.
Believe that you are worth it, that you can find nice people to live your life around and you can be wise and strong enough to thrive on the more wholesome path. It’s the right path, if need be, work hard at getting there in your life.
Steve's a three-time survivor of violence in his youth, a former police supervisor and a graduate of The Police Executive Leadership College (PELC) and was also an award winning part-time college Criminal Justice instructor.
For several years, Steve did written and radio political and current event commentary and was the former host of the long running 'The Kovacs Perspective' Internet radio and TV talk show.
Steve presently owns a small businesses in Ohio--The Mayfield Academy of Self-Defense.
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